Einsamkeit

Good luck with other people understanding me....

2012-02-07T11:13:00.003-08:00

It's no surprise that people don't even get what I'm trying to say.I even baffle myself at times.

The Whole PC versus Console feud is getting ridiculous.

2011-07-23T04:05:00.000-07:00

It matters not whether you're partial to your mouse and keyboard or you'd rather swing your Wiimote or mash the buttons on your controller. Using a PC to game does not mean that you have to make an arse out of yourself , proclaim that using the PC for gaming is the only way to go and that those who use consoles are pathetic dweebs who really know nothing about 'true gaming'.

What the heck is true gaming anyway?

Of Personas and why I love the Shin Megami Tensei Series

2011-07-14T23:28:00.000-07:00

I find it aptly fitting that I started and finished playing Persona 4 this year. Persona 4 was the first Shin Megami Tensei franchise that I've finished and I really enjoyed it a lot. Actually I've tried Persona 3 Portable and I must say that the game was pretty drab in comparison to Persona 4.Sure, the premise of Persona 3 was way more intriguing than P4 (shooting one's head to evoke the fear of death which causes them to summon Persona, while in P4 you just crush a card. Anticlimactic, right?)For someone as dark and brooding as I am,you'd think I'd prefer the darker setting of Persona 3. Well I didn't.I found P3 very tedious to play, while Persona 4 was very much enjoyable.But what makes P4 better than P3. What Persona 4 does better than Persona 3 is the characterization. P3 provided us with characters that are basically stereotypes. Depth, what character depth? Zilch, nada, nil.Persona 4's characters felt really human, like they could be the people in your school, with their issues and such. That said, I'm a sucker for Naoto Shirogane and Kanji Tatsumi. Their issues are kind of my issues. Totally relatable.

Adult? You've got to be kidding me.

2010-05-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

I am so not good at this whole being a responsible adult thingy. It's not about the formal clothes, well I guess it is kinda about them... they're really uhm... stiff? The heels are also killing my feet.Watch how you act, brush your hair every few minutes, make sure that your ribbon isn't untied, if being an adult is being this damn conscious all the time, then I just might go nuts. Also the fake smiles are too annoying. My cheeks hurt when I try to force a smile.

That aside, I need my social life, however limited it was. *sighs* I miss my friends. I don't know if the feeling's mutual though.

Of Confrontations and control (or lack thereof)

2010-04-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly what you call a patient person. In fact I tend to lose my temper quite easily. As quick as I am to lose my temper, I, for one, am not fond of confrontations. Sure, I may be seething with anger inside, but I am not one to talk to someone when I'm mad at them. If I'm not exactly friends with that person or I really don't interact with that person often, I just tend to let it pass.

Admittedly, I seem to have a high tolerance threshold when it comes to friends. After all, why be friends with someone you can't stand? It's not that common for me to be mad at people whom I consider to be friends. And when it happens, I just want no contact with them whatsoever until I calm down. Most of the time, I don't mention anything about what pissed me off. I just let time pass and wait whether or not things are sorted out.

I am not fond of confrontations. They tend to make me feel like I'm being an arsehole to someone. The few times I've confronted people I really cared about, let's just say it ended up with me feeling like a shithead and bawling my eyes out.

The confrontation earlier isn't that much different even though I didn't cry. I feel awful. I feel like I'm a total arsehole for making somebody cry. I'm despicable,really.

To __ (warning: emo. please proceed with due caution)

2010-02-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you're pissed off at/ annoyed with/ tired of me or something. it's just that i get this nagging feeling that you're avoiding me. Don't worry, I'm not confrontational, I just wish you'd spit it out already. I won't get it unless you tell me. I'm dense, I'm egoistic, I'm so self-centered that I won't get it without you saying it.

At times like this, I get the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere. I don't really fit in. I feel like Kadoya Tsukasa, rejected by all worlds.Rejected by everyone.If I disappear, nobody would remember me most likely.Just a lump of protein that's slowly decaying. worthless.

Why must human interaction be complicated? i just want to shut everything out and go back to being a loner.

DO want.

2010-02-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

The thing is I'm not good with words. Really. They say all good writers are avid readers. But not all avid readers are good writers. I happen to be a very sucky writer.

I like reading.It's one of those things that has been constant in my entire life. Though the genre I obsess over has changed lots of times, reading has been the thing that gives me the most pleasure.

But, to tell the truth, I've realized I haven't done any pleasure reading lately. It's been like more than 2 weeks since I've read a book ;A;

Lol. I want this book. I really want it badly.Jasfer Fforde is indeed the master of literary allusions. lol. But the book's like 600 pesos and that's the paperback price, mind you. Moolah. I'm in desperate need of it. Here's to hoping that by the time I have money, this book will still be on the shelves. =4= wah.

for some reason... i felt like writing this.

2010-02-20T10:43:00.000-08:00

I am not a romantic person. That's a given. I suck at social relations and I think I will suck even more when I get into a non-platonic relationship. I'm a bit afraid of the whole "liking someone" business but I am not immune to it (much to my dismay). I'm currently 21 years old but I find myself acting like a teenager when it comes to liking someone that way. So sue me, I'm a whole lot delayed in the maturity department. I've had my first real person crush when I was almost 20, talk about delayed ,but it's to be expected from someone who's been practically avoidant for all her life.

People tend to underestimate the strength of their psychological immune system. I'm guilty of that too. Just when I thought that I'm through liking someone, that I've had enough of this liking someone , it happens again. hoo boy.

I'm not in love with the idea of love. In fact, I kinda dislike it. I do not like the idea of liking someone. But I guess it's inevitable. It's part of human nature to be attracted to someone, I guess. ahaha I give up. Maybe I'll try to enjoy the experience while I'm still (a bit) young.

Obligatory Birthday Post.

2009-08-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

So yeah, another year has passed. A lot has happened within a span of one year. Got heartbroken, broke somebody's heart (well I still count as somebody right?), sank into the pits of despair and then swore to take over the world.

Okay, kindly ignore the last sentence and I will be moving on shortly.

Moving on meaning more and more egocentric ramblings from me, I am now officially 21 years old, way past the age of minority and still feeling like I've just stumbled upon adolescence. That's what you get when you've been avoidant for like 19 years of life, events pile up at an exponential rate. At first, nothing much happens and then *BAM* things happen way too fast and I can barely deal with them.

Older means wiser right? Wrong. I feel like I'm the biggest Idiot in the world right now. Idiot with a capital I. I'm heading nowhere, still stuck halfway between the eggshell and the real world. I'm supposed to be graduating this year but thinking of the future gives me a headache. Zetsubou mode, I know.

This is hardly fitting for a birthday post. Gah. I fail.

But then again, Uretz isn't exactly Uretz unless Uretz is being all emo and shit.

Don't get me wrong a lot of AWESOME things have happened. I just tend to write the negative first. Somebody just whack me on the head with a baseball bat. Maybe I'll make more sense if you guys did that.

So basically I owe it a lot to my friends that I'm still here. I'm glad that I have a reason not to drift. That even though I'm still as cynical as ever, I still get to enjoy the here and now , all because I have friends who believe in me even though I subject them to hours of self-pity talks. Confidence isn't really something I have and given my low self-esteem, I wouldn't be doing a lot of things if those guys didn't drag me out to do stuff. You guys are AWESOME. I'm living more these days and I guess you've influenced me to be a bit less self-depreciating.

Writing this at around 1:30 in the morning, and to tell the truth, I really can't think of anything much to say right now. Will prolly update this later this evening. That's all for now.

Of politics

2009-08-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I've never really been interested in politics. Call me apathetic, I just couldn't really bring myself to care back then. But things have changed. Not drastically though but they did change. I guess it has something to do with the university after all, after almost 4 years of having been in this university, I guess some of its ideology have rubbed off on me. I'm not saying that I'm going to join the rallies any time soon (maybe I will someday, but that's another topic all together) but I guess I've learned first-hand that politics is not something that I can ignore forever. The government isn't something that isn't any of my business. I used to think that I'm not going to be affected by this whole government shiznit, like it's their business, not mine.

The way things are in our country right now, it's really disheartening , to say the least.

Day is made of Fail of Epic Proportions! Go me!

2009-07-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally using this blog. Yay me! And my first post is a rambly piece about how lousy my friggin' day was. Ain't that great?

Earlier yesterday, (I'm writing this at around 1 am, after I dunno, 3 times of trying to make Hetalia paper children, and utterly failing to do so. Ok, fine I exaggerate, I actually managed to finish sexy waiter Iggy's head.), as I was stepping out of the monstrosity known as the LRT, a guy actually shoved me. Talk about being an arsehole. As I was running late for my 7 am class (don't you guys just hate early morning classes?) I had to forget about giving the git a piece of my mind. So I just settled for a mumbled screw you. Mature, ain't I?

As soon as I arrived, the professor asked us to bring out a 1/4 sheet of paper. Verdammt!We had a quiz about a topic I had no idea about! Thank goodness I passed, barely, but hey a pass is a pass.

Let's not talk about the uber friggin' hard anthropology 133 exam we had. I'm at a loss for words really.

So yeah I hung out with M near the cybernook, tried to make a doitsu paper doll. It failed. No surprise there.

And then we went to Trinoma. And it was there that I nearly had a panic attack, because I thought I had lost Genesis (my PSP). Thank goodness it just slipped out of my pocket when we were riding M's car. But still @_@;

Oh yeah lots of glue got spilled. I hate you Elmer's Glue.
Even when I was riding home, I wasn't spared the aggravation. Imagine being in a really jam-packed Train and that you can hardly breathe in said train. Also imagine that people are bumping into body parts that are considered sensitive. It was the most agonizing train ride ever.

Gah. Glad that that day's over. Phew.