Iridescent

It's almost over.It's been a year and I have to deal with something quite familiar coming to an end. It's daunting. It's like being in a self-contained vacuum for a year and then BAM! the world suddenly comes rushing in. THIS is what you SHOULD do, you keep on hearing that phrase.It is what you SHOULD do, not something you want to do.You don't want to be useless, so you grin and bear it (no, it's not grin and bear it... more of a sigh of resignation). It really doesn't help your case any that you're bollocks at it and that thinking of doing it for years is enough to send you into hysterics. It makes you feel stupid,makes you feel that you're not good enough, it's like a mantra of self-loathing that plays over and over again. I just needed to vent out. Writing this without revising and stuff. Call it a catharsis of sorts.

Good luck with other people understanding me....

It's no surprise that people don't even get what I'm trying to say.I even baffle myself at times.

The Whole PC versus Console feud is getting ridiculous.

It matters not whether you're partial to your mouse and keyboard or you'd rather swing your Wiimote or mash the buttons on your controller. Using a PC to game does not mean that you have to make an arse out of yourself , proclaim that using the PC for gaming is the only way to go and that those who use consoles are pathetic dweebs who really know nothing about 'true gaming'.

What the heck is true gaming anyway?

Of Personas and why I love the Shin Megami Tensei Series

I find it aptly fitting that I started and finished playing Persona 4 this year. Persona 4 was the first Shin Megami Tensei franchise that I've finished and I really enjoyed it a lot. Actually I've tried Persona 3 Portable and I must say that the game was pretty drab in comparison to Persona 4.Sure, the premise of Persona 3 was way more intriguing than P4 (shooting one's head to evoke the fear of death which causes them to summon Persona, while in P4 you just crush a card. Anticlimactic, right?)For someone as dark and brooding as I am,you'd think I'd prefer the darker setting of Persona 3. Well I didn't.I found P3 very tedious to play, while Persona 4 was very much enjoyable.But what makes P4 better than P3. What Persona 4 does better than Persona 3 is the characterization. P3 provided us with characters that are basically stereotypes. Depth, what character depth? Zilch, nada, nil.Persona 4's characters felt really human, like they could be the people in your school, with their issues and such. That said, I'm a sucker for Naoto Shirogane and Kanji Tatsumi. Their issues are kind of my issues. Totally relatable.

Adult? You've got to be kidding me.

I am so not good at this whole being a responsible adult thingy. It's not about the formal clothes, well I guess it is kinda about them... they're really uhm... stiff? The heels are also killing my feet.Watch how you act, brush your hair every few minutes, make sure that your ribbon isn't untied, if being an adult is being this damn conscious all the time, then I just might go nuts. Also the fake smiles are too annoying. My cheeks hurt when I try to force a smile.

That aside, I need my social life, however limited it was. *sighs* I miss my friends. I don't know if the feeling's mutual though.

Of Confrontations and control (or lack thereof)

I'm not exactly what you call a patient person. In fact I tend to lose my temper quite easily. As quick as I am to lose my temper, I, for one, am not fond of confrontations. Sure, I may be seething with anger inside, but I am not one to talk to someone when I'm mad at them. If I'm not exactly friends with that person or I really don't interact with that person often, I just tend to let it pass.

Admittedly, I seem to have a high tolerance threshold when it comes to friends. After all, why be friends with someone you can't stand? It's not that common for me to be mad at people whom I consider to be friends. And when it happens, I just want no contact with them whatsoever until I calm down. Most of the time, I don't mention anything about what pissed me off. I just let time pass and wait whether or not things are sorted out.

I am not fond of confrontations. They tend to make me feel like I'm being an arsehole to someone. The few times I've confronted people I really cared about, let's just say it ended up with me feeling like a shithead and bawling my eyes out.

The confrontation earlier isn't that much different even though I didn't cry. I feel awful. I feel like I'm a total arsehole for making somebody cry. I'm despicable,really.

To __ (warning: emo. please proceed with due caution)

I don't know if you're pissed off at/ annoyed with/ tired of me or something. it's just that i get this nagging feeling that you're avoiding me. Don't worry, I'm not confrontational, I just wish you'd spit it out already. I won't get it unless you tell me. I'm dense, I'm egoistic, I'm so self-centered that I won't get it without you saying it.

At times like this, I get the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere. I don't really fit in. I feel like Kadoya Tsukasa, rejected by all worlds.Rejected by everyone.If I disappear, nobody would remember me most likely.Just a lump of protein that's slowly decaying. worthless.

Why must human interaction be complicated? i just want to shut everything out and go back to being a loner.