Of Confrontations and control (or lack thereof)

I'm not exactly what you call a patient person. In fact I tend to lose my temper quite easily. As quick as I am to lose my temper, I, for one, am not fond of confrontations. Sure, I may be seething with anger inside, but I am not one to talk to someone when I'm mad at them. If I'm not exactly friends with that person or I really don't interact with that person often, I just tend to let it pass.

Admittedly, I seem to have a high tolerance threshold when it comes to friends. After all, why be friends with someone you can't stand? It's not that common for me to be mad at people whom I consider to be friends. And when it happens, I just want no contact with them whatsoever until I calm down. Most of the time, I don't mention anything about what pissed me off. I just let time pass and wait whether or not things are sorted out.

I am not fond of confrontations. They tend to make me feel like I'm being an arsehole to someone. The few times I've confronted people I really cared about, let's just say it ended up with me feeling like a shithead and bawling my eyes out.

The confrontation earlier isn't that much different even though I didn't cry. I feel awful. I feel like I'm a total arsehole for making somebody cry. I'm despicable,really.

To __ (warning: emo. please proceed with due caution)

I don't know if you're pissed off at/ annoyed with/ tired of me or something. it's just that i get this nagging feeling that you're avoiding me. Don't worry, I'm not confrontational, I just wish you'd spit it out already. I won't get it unless you tell me. I'm dense, I'm egoistic, I'm so self-centered that I won't get it without you saying it.

At times like this, I get the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere. I don't really fit in. I feel like Kadoya Tsukasa, rejected by all worlds.Rejected by everyone.If I disappear, nobody would remember me most likely.Just a lump of protein that's slowly decaying. worthless.

Why must human interaction be complicated? i just want to shut everything out and go back to being a loner.