To __ (warning: emo. please proceed with due caution)

I don't know if you're pissed off at/ annoyed with/ tired of me or something. it's just that i get this nagging feeling that you're avoiding me. Don't worry, I'm not confrontational, I just wish you'd spit it out already. I won't get it unless you tell me. I'm dense, I'm egoistic, I'm so self-centered that I won't get it without you saying it.

At times like this, I get the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere. I don't really fit in. I feel like Kadoya Tsukasa, rejected by all worlds.Rejected by everyone.If I disappear, nobody would remember me most likely.Just a lump of protein that's slowly decaying. worthless.

Why must human interaction be complicated? i just want to shut everything out and go back to being a loner.

DO want.

The thing is I'm not good with words. Really. They say all good writers are avid readers. But not all avid readers are good writers. I happen to be a very sucky writer.

I like reading.It's one of those things that has been constant in my entire life. Though the genre I obsess over has changed lots of times, reading has been the thing that gives me the most pleasure.

But, to tell the truth, I've realized I haven't done any pleasure reading lately. It's been like more than 2 weeks since I've read a book ;A;



Lol. I want this book. I really want it badly.Jasfer Fforde is indeed the master of literary allusions. lol. But the book's like 600 pesos and that's the paperback price, mind you. Moolah. I'm in desperate need of it. Here's to hoping that by the time I have money, this book will still be on the shelves. =4= wah.

for some reason... i felt like writing this.

I am not a romantic person. That's a given. I suck at social relations and I think I will suck even more when I get into a non-platonic relationship. I'm a bit afraid of the whole "liking someone" business but I am not immune to it (much to my dismay). I'm currently 21 years old but I find myself acting like a teenager when it comes to liking someone that way. So sue me, I'm a whole lot delayed in the maturity department. I've had my first real person crush when I was almost 20, talk about delayed ,but it's to be expected from someone who's been practically avoidant for all her life.

People tend to underestimate the strength of their psychological immune system. I'm guilty of that too. Just when I thought that I'm through liking someone, that I've had enough of this liking someone , it happens again. hoo boy.

I'm not in love with the idea of love. In fact, I kinda dislike it. I do not like the idea of liking someone. But I guess it's inevitable. It's part of human nature to be attracted to someone, I guess. ahaha I give up. Maybe I'll try to enjoy the experience while I'm still (a bit) young.