Adult? You've got to be kidding me.

I am so not good at this whole being a responsible adult thingy. It's not about the formal clothes, well I guess it is kinda about them... they're really uhm... stiff? The heels are also killing my feet.Watch how you act, brush your hair every few minutes, make sure that your ribbon isn't untied, if being an adult is being this damn conscious all the time, then I just might go nuts. Also the fake smiles are too annoying. My cheeks hurt when I try to force a smile.

That aside, I need my social life, however limited it was. *sighs* I miss my friends. I don't know if the feeling's mutual though.

Of Confrontations and control (or lack thereof)

I'm not exactly what you call a patient person. In fact I tend to lose my temper quite easily. As quick as I am to lose my temper, I, for one, am not fond of confrontations. Sure, I may be seething with anger inside, but I am not one to talk to someone when I'm mad at them. If I'm not exactly friends with that person or I really don't interact with that person often, I just tend to let it pass.

Admittedly, I seem to have a high tolerance threshold when it comes to friends. After all, why be friends with someone you can't stand? It's not that common for me to be mad at people whom I consider to be friends. And when it happens, I just want no contact with them whatsoever until I calm down. Most of the time, I don't mention anything about what pissed me off. I just let time pass and wait whether or not things are sorted out.

I am not fond of confrontations. They tend to make me feel like I'm being an arsehole to someone. The few times I've confronted people I really cared about, let's just say it ended up with me feeling like a shithead and bawling my eyes out.

The confrontation earlier isn't that much different even though I didn't cry. I feel awful. I feel like I'm a total arsehole for making somebody cry. I'm despicable,really.

To __ (warning: emo. please proceed with due caution)

I don't know if you're pissed off at/ annoyed with/ tired of me or something. it's just that i get this nagging feeling that you're avoiding me. Don't worry, I'm not confrontational, I just wish you'd spit it out already. I won't get it unless you tell me. I'm dense, I'm egoistic, I'm so self-centered that I won't get it without you saying it.

At times like this, I get the feeling that I really don't belong anywhere. I don't really fit in. I feel like Kadoya Tsukasa, rejected by all worlds.Rejected by everyone.If I disappear, nobody would remember me most likely.Just a lump of protein that's slowly decaying. worthless.

Why must human interaction be complicated? i just want to shut everything out and go back to being a loner.

DO want.

The thing is I'm not good with words. Really. They say all good writers are avid readers. But not all avid readers are good writers. I happen to be a very sucky writer.

I like reading.It's one of those things that has been constant in my entire life. Though the genre I obsess over has changed lots of times, reading has been the thing that gives me the most pleasure.

But, to tell the truth, I've realized I haven't done any pleasure reading lately. It's been like more than 2 weeks since I've read a book ;A;



Lol. I want this book. I really want it badly.Jasfer Fforde is indeed the master of literary allusions. lol. But the book's like 600 pesos and that's the paperback price, mind you. Moolah. I'm in desperate need of it. Here's to hoping that by the time I have money, this book will still be on the shelves. =4= wah.

for some reason... i felt like writing this.

I am not a romantic person. That's a given. I suck at social relations and I think I will suck even more when I get into a non-platonic relationship. I'm a bit afraid of the whole "liking someone" business but I am not immune to it (much to my dismay). I'm currently 21 years old but I find myself acting like a teenager when it comes to liking someone that way. So sue me, I'm a whole lot delayed in the maturity department. I've had my first real person crush when I was almost 20, talk about delayed ,but it's to be expected from someone who's been practically avoidant for all her life.

People tend to underestimate the strength of their psychological immune system. I'm guilty of that too. Just when I thought that I'm through liking someone, that I've had enough of this liking someone , it happens again. hoo boy.

I'm not in love with the idea of love. In fact, I kinda dislike it. I do not like the idea of liking someone. But I guess it's inevitable. It's part of human nature to be attracted to someone, I guess. ahaha I give up. Maybe I'll try to enjoy the experience while I'm still (a bit) young.